‘Fake it until you make it’?

My first reaction was how so? You come across to me as a very confident leader. She said outside maybe yes, but inside, deep down I am not that confident. I learnt an excellent technique: fake it until I make it.

That’s what I do, it works until my internal dialogues take over the charge:

  • I don’t know everything should I say anything at all or just remain quiet and observe?
  • What if I say something stupid?
  • Am I good, unique, interesting enough for this audience?
  • I don’t know all the details of this new topic, I know some, therefore, I should not stand up on this stage to talk about I feel like an impostor.

What is really happening here? What can you do about it?

  1. We can easily get trapped in a negative belief cycle which can get to the point of negative self-fulfilling prophecies with a help of our self-saboteurs who are equipped with well-constructed lies. Your internal (negative) messages have enormous influence on your choices and the decisions you make. Watch out for these internal dialogues and work on your inner saboteurs.
  2. We tend to poorly manage our own expectation. How real is our own expectation related to knowing everything on a subject, especially in this information-driven, data-overloaded digital world?
  3. We make our life hell with lots of assumptions related to others and their expectations, and their thinking about us. Lisa Nichols said once “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” And how true is that….
  4. We tend to live a double life, mask our own feeling, thinking and behaviours, which can get you by, but cost you a lot of energy, which we use up on the detriment of our health (headache, gall stone, digestive problems, cancer to name some). It also gets us disconnected to our real authentic self, and no matter how successful we are, we feel empty and unfulfilled. Learn about your natural and adapted behavioural styles. See how much you mask in order to achieve what you want.

And yet

‘Fake it until you make it’. Because it can work…, but never compromise your integrity. Or as Amy Cuddy, social psychologist put it. “Don't fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it. Do it enough until you actually become it and internalize it. Tiny tweaks can lead to big changes.” Amy Cuddy’s research on body language reveals that we can change other people’s perceptions — and even our own body chemistry — simply by changing body positions. So not only change your inner dialogue but use power posing in order to raise your confidence: ‘Fake it until you become it.’

Meanwhile do your homework, work on yourself as a leader:

  • What are your negative inner talks that keep popping up in your mind?
  • What lies your saboteurs are trying to tell you?
  • How realistic your expectation related to your goals, your dream?
  • What assumptions do you hold about your most challenging situations and people?
  • How much are you aware of your own natural and adapted behavioural styles?


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